Fuck Yeah, Gender Studies!

I’ve got a number of thoughts on this. 

Firstly, just because someone, even your girlfriend, has labelled you X (in this case asexual) doesn’t mean they’re right. And it seems from what you’ve said here—about feeling depressed and like a freak—that you maybe don’t think that your girlfriend is right. Nobody else has the right, or the knowledge, to define your sexuality for you. Maybe you are asexual. Maybe you aren’t. Maybe you just don’t think those labels are helpful. But i can’t help you with that, of course.

As regards your questions:

1) I’m not asexual, so i don’t feel qualified to give advice about it. But i will tell you that there are plenty of resources and support and discussion networks available on the web, perhaps the best-known of which is AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. They have an array of articles, advice and information as well as a forum.

I will also stress now that there’s nothing freakish about asexuality. Human sexuality is wild and varied and whilst there are things that are “usual” and “unusual”—with asexuality being something less usual—there’s no such thing as normal (except in a statistical sense).

2) As regards “confirming” anything… I’m not sure. A quick Google reveals there are a lot of online quizzes designed to define/pigeonhole/otherwise quantify sexuality, but I have no idea how reliable or helpful those are. Probably your best bet would be to discuss how you view and understand your own sexuality with, for instance, some folks at AVEN. I’d also highlight the importance of effectively communicating sexual needs (including the absence of need) with one’s partner(s). Especially as you’re currently feeling depressed.

Something also to think about: i don’t know how much you have transitioned, if at all, if that’s even something you might be doing, but i wonder whether your sex drive might be related to body dysphoria. If you have a penis and you find that getting an erection triggers your dyphoria more profoundly, you might actively avoid situations that would make it worse—which would of course mean avoiding sexual contact. But i don’t know you or your body.